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Marriages are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing out the first one.
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boujour asshole
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I am nicer than my face looks.
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Anxiety is my co-pilot
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Going insane, y'all need anything?
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Ask a man what he wants in a good women
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I just wanna be somewhere in the sun with my titties out, eating fresh fruit.
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Hottest Mom at School Drop-off.
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It's Not Clocking to you.
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It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.
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On my husband's last nerve.
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Saw you Petting the Neighbor's Dog, want to tell me what that's all about?
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I don't always bark at night. But when I do, it's for no reason.
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The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.
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Life is hard, but at least your children aren't ugly.
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Used & Abused
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Someone's Dusty Ass Son
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I'm not old, I'm vintage
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Superbowl - You don’t like my team? That’s okay not everyone has good taste.
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Superbowl - I like big punts and I cannot lie.
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I’m Not Loading the Gun for Him
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Will you be my Valentine? That was a rhetorical question, you have no choice we are married.
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