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Life is dragging me by my thong right now.

Life is dragging me by my thong right now.

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Life is hard, but at least your children aren't ugly.

Life is hard, but at least your children aren't ugly.

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Life is short, at least spend it with a tall guy.

Life is short, at least spend it with a tall guy.

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Look what you did, you little jerk.

Look what you did, you little jerk.

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Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.

Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.

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Marriages are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing out the first one.

Marriages are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing out the first one.

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Maury found my baby daddy.

Maury found my baby daddy.

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Men be like, I'm finally ready to settle down and be in a relationship.

Men be like, I'm finally ready to settle down and be in a relationship.

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Men swear to know everything until you ask them who she is.

Men swear to know everything until you ask them who she is.

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Men used to go to war, now they unsend their dms if you don't reply back.

Men used to go to war, now they unsend their dms if you don't reply back.

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More gagging, less nagging.

More gagging, less nagging.

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My ex taught me you definitely have to worry about the ugly ones too.

My ex taught me you definitely have to worry about the ugly ones too.

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My ex will talk to anybody, don't feel special.

My ex will talk to anybody, don't feel special.

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My mental stability is questionable.

My mental stability is questionable.

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My tits are too nice for my life to be like this!

My tits are too nice for my life to be like this!

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My wife asked me for a divorce for Valentine’s Day. I told her I wasn’t planning on spending that much.

My wife asked me for a divorce for Valentine’s Day. I told her I wasn’t planning on spending that much.

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Life is dragging me by my thong right now.

Life is dragging me by my thong right now.

Life is hard, but at least your children aren't ugly.

Life is hard, but at least your children aren't ugly.

Life is short, at least spend it with a tall guy.

Life is short, at least spend it with a tall guy.

Look what you did, you little jerk.

Look what you did, you little jerk.

Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.

Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.

Marriages are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing out the first one.

Marriages are like pancakes. There’s no shame in throwing out the first one.

Maury found my baby daddy.

Maury found my baby daddy.

Men be like, I'm finally ready to settle down and be in a relationship.

Men be like, I'm finally ready to settle down and be in a relationship.

Men swear to know everything until you ask them who she is.

Men swear to know everything until you ask them who she is.

Men used to go to war, now they unsend their dms if you don't reply back.

Men used to go to war, now they unsend their dms if you don't reply back.

More gagging, less nagging.

More gagging, less nagging.

My ex taught me you definitely have to worry about the ugly ones too.

My ex taught me you definitely have to worry about the ugly ones too.

My ex will talk to anybody, don't feel special.

My ex will talk to anybody, don't feel special.

My mental stability is questionable.

My mental stability is questionable.

My tits are too nice for my life to be like this!

My tits are too nice for my life to be like this!

My wife asked me for a divorce for Valentine’s Day. I told her I wasn’t planning on spending that much.

My wife asked me for a divorce for Valentine’s Day. I told her I wasn’t planning on spending that much.