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The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
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Big Titty Bitch
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Fuckin hamburger help me.
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I just wanna be somewhere in the sun with my titties out, eating fresh fruit.
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Hottest Mom at School Drop-off.
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Burn all the sage you want, I'll be back.
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I am aware than I am RARE.
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I tried laughing like a lady, but there is a hyena inside of me.
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Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.
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You are gold, don't settle for shit.
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If she glows up after the breakup, you were the problem.
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Finding out your man is a bitch, has to be the worst gender reveal ever.
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You gotta love me hard, cause my ex still loves me.
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I like the ones who eat if from the back.
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I promise your future husband is not following hundreds of half-naked girls on Instagram.
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I know God has the wheel, but sometimes I think we're off roading.
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I remember when breaking up used to be easy, now you have to press charges and move.
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I leave my read receipts on, so people can see what time I didn't give a fuck.
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Asking me "Do I miss you" when there is nothing to miss, is insane!
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Dating again, so if you see me out with different people, let me know which one I look better with.
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Blocking me on social media but snoring right beside me is INSANE.
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Block his number & let little ugly have him.
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Another day, another what the fuck!
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Don't compare yourself to other moms, we are all losing our shit.
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